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Forum » Notrium: the alien story.

Notrium: the alien story.

Daz_T 11 years ago
im writing a story about the alien char on notrium: I tested the rest of the fluid of the plant by cutting myself slightly with my claws, and rubbing the plant into the spot. The cut healed instantaneously. Had I not heard marching of soldiers nearby, I would have been amazed. “Hey!” a voice cried out, “there’s an alien over here!” I looked over to see if the marine meant me. A bullet was my only answer. “Quick let’s get him!” cried another. “HE?” Blooming cheek! I’m a she!
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The Gemini 11 years ago
This do have potential, but I recommend you to work more on the story.
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HarmlessHermit 11 years ago
Yes it does. It might save me some work too . Be careful not to make the alien an invincible character. It's okay to add cool action scenes where she decapitates everybody as long as its realistic that she could really do that.
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Daz_T 11 years ago
from our messenger conversation yester, HH, i have re-written that bit and many others
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HarmlessHermit 11 years ago
Good good. Whenever you think the writing is good enough, make it better. That's my mentality at least.
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Anonymous1157 11 years ago
Okay, if I understood what you meant by "decapitate" and "realistic" this is going to be an adult story that'll make me pass out and break my new glasses that are replacements to a predecessor that had the same fate. YOU SHALL NOT DO SUCH A THING. Leave out minor details; just say they got decapitated with a bite in the neck, that sort of stuff, OK? Same goes if you're going to emphasise that she's a girl by adding in a part with you-know-what. Also I request you add the story of the army of quails that were sent to the planet as an expirement and have them meet, both ready to claw and beak (!!!) after having killed most of the marines, ready to kill the most important thing in the story: the ruler guy, problably Ville the sorcerer (Like the ville in the avatar).

[edit] I should clarify that when I said "have them meet" I meant the quail army with cute little helmets and Mrs.Alien and any kids, OK? OK.[/edit]

I write a lot and you write with errors, maybe we can team up? We could write a "notrium story" AETAS! (Did I spell it right?)

OMG i'm tardy again! The prefix for again is re- and I was tardy again so im retardy! Why? Your avater is a search bar and I fell for it!
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Grim Reaper 11 years ago
[OT]
"Anonymous1157" said:
the ruler guy, problably Ville the sorcerer (Like the ville in the avatar).

I don't think that Ville would be a sorcerer, perhaps not even the current ruler of Ville Corp.

And IMO he looks like a monk, not a sorcerer. [/OT]
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HarmlessHermit 11 years ago
Don't leave out any details. Just because a story is graphic doesn't mean it should be censored.
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Daz_T 10 years ago
Notrium: The alien.
(A short story about a real cool game)

Chapter 1: A runt is born.
I started as the smallest of my brethren, being shunned and teased by my own family, for I was a runt, a mere dwarf compared to my bigger brothers and sisters. However, I was much faster, much more agile than my lumbering, hulky siblings. When I was 2 years old, and my claws were beginning to develop, my mother took us all out to hunt small animals, and mincen, my largest sister, scored a deer-like creature called an Askinnen. I made do with a mere hobler, the smallest creature in the training pen. Again, I was teased for taking such a feeble animal, So I leapt at my sister, and went for the head, but she batted me away, like I was a mere insect. I slumped away, vowing I would take revenge. When I was reaching the evolution stage, word was passed around that a ship, an explorer, named the Var' Equinallin would arrive to stock up on supplies before entering an area of space known as “The Hive” When it arrived, I hid nearby the ship, and when the door opened and the androids, the 2 humans and the freakish alien that appeared like a large brain had exited, I sneaked on board with a male from our tribe. (Little did he know, I would later kill him.) We hid in the cargo bay, staying in the shadows, watching, waiting. A few days later, the captain entered the bay, and my accomplice rushed out and attempted to kill the captain, yet severely injuring himself in the struggle. This captain was stronger than I thought; he overpowered the foolish attacker and shot him with a pistol. He radioed the clean-up crew to remove the corpse, and then limped off to seek the medic and new trousers. I ran over to the dying fool, and devoured him. “Cancel clean up in aisle 3,” I chuckled to myself.
Chapter 2: The attack!
Sucking the meat from the last of the bones, I heard a tremendous BOOM! A nearby lcd screen said:”severe damage to the hull of the ship. All crew are ordered to the escape pods immediately.” Good lord I thought, I have come so far! I ran with all haste to the escape pods, and saw the Captain and his first mate enter pod #13. I leapt into the remaining pod and blasted out of the ship. And what I saw was chaos. Missiles were everywhere! Many pods had been hit, their drivers being sucked out, then exploding, as this is what happens to unprotected bodies in space. I, however, have incredible reflexes, dodging each missile with ease. But, my pod was caught in the gravitational pull of the planet, and hurtled at top speed towards the surface…
Argh! The crash had broken a few bones in my claw, and I was bleeding considerably from the jaw. I stumbled through a small, dusty hut. Then I heard footsteps behind me and suddenly…”Son of a Burgit!” said a voice. “What the?” I thought, I turned around and saw… a short man, fuming, at me and my pod. “You broke me roof!”
I had no idea what this guy was saying, so I simply minced him instead. He dropped a key! I took it and jammed it in the heavy wooden door. It creaked and opened slowly. I fell over after pushing the door open, and because of my injuries and fatigue, I fell unconscious. During the evening I woke up, and my claw was healed! It seemed that the plant I landed on had splashed fluids on my leg, healing them. I tested the rest of the fluid of the plant by cutting myself slightly with my claws, and rubbing the plant into the spot. The cut healed instantaneously. Had I not heard marching of soldiers nearby, I would have been amazed. “Hey!” a voice cried out, “there’s an alien over here!” I looked over to see if the marine meant me. A bullet was my only answer. “Quick let’s get him!” cried another. “HE?” Blooming cheek! I’m a she! No time to comment on this, because I was chased for about 200 meters and when we turned a corner, I hid in the bushes and when one of them got close; I leapt out, tackled him, and slammed his skull into the nearby tree, killing him instantly. The others were shocked. Never had they seen an alien like me. I thought they would scream and run away. They would have, by the look in their faces, but suddenly they put on a face of twisted evil and ran at me, firing relentlessly. When they got close and their bullets had run out, I gutted them all. After running such a distance and fighting 4 “Ville corp” marines, I took great pleasure in consuming them.
Chapter 3: Evolution Begins
My body feels ready to change, evolve, it is time... For now if I keep myself from becoming hungry I should be able to evolve and be able to see and hunt at night. As sharp as my claws are I've got a feeling they wont be enough and I should try and surprise my prey, being stealthy will certainly be to my benefit. “YOW!” Speaking of stealth, that little critter just snuck out of the bushes and has sunk his teeth into my behind. I kicked him up quite high and I ran to where he was about to land, holding my claw up to kill him. Those little blue aliens are pesky, but have an unusually high meat content. To start my evolution I should hunt those first. For now I must sleep. Strange… I don’t feel tired. Maybe its something to do with the air or something, I’m no scientist. Oh well, ill make use of this “air” and go for a hunt. After sniffing around awhile, I found a small pack of them a few K’s north of the hut. Of course, my claws made short work of them, and soon I was tasting their flesh. I suddenly felt strange power through my body… “I am finally evolving!” I thought. My vision was immediately improved, and my claws were longer and felt more powerful than before. I went over to a puddle to check out the new me. I now have catlike slitted pupils. “YEEEEESSSSS!!” I yelled, all too late realizing that was not a good idea. Hearing a low growl from the top of a hill a good mile away. This was when I noticed I now had dog-like hearing. Little time to marvel at it though, as there was a veritable stream of aliens coming from the hill. These aliens looked similar to the small ones except one problem, these were about twice their size. But with the new improved me, I thought I could take them down. I sprinted towards the oncoming 10 aliens. I leapt at the last second, claws ready to cut through any alien scum. But that didn’t happen. I jarred my claws badly against the alien’s tough skin. “It’s as tough as mine!” I thought, leaping again, this time at the alien’s neck. My new improved claws snapped it like a twig. I tried this strategy on the rest, terminating each one. After eating them, (killing is tough work, you know) A bullet whizzed past my ear, landing with a “thunk” in the tree in front of me. I ran over to the area where I thought the bullet came from, and I found a marine, fiddling nervously, trying to put some bullets in his pistol, but I ripped through him with my 4 inch teeth. He screamed for help, but none would make it to him. He is my kill.
Chapter 4: The Captain and the Psionic
My progress on this planet has been gradual, but now I feel I am truly able to survive here. My hunger does not desist, but I have learned that I am able to survive off the corpses of some creatures here by cooking them with a fire. This will provide me with steady source of food I will need. I will need to keep up the hunt always. I should seek out those like myself, they will provide me with a good source of food. I must prepare myself. I will overwhelm this planet and start my own brood. All will fear me and the sight of me will make them tremble. I will show none mercy. It will all be mine!
Sniffling around tonight, I noticed the captain skulking around, and he had a weapon of some sort. He went to the top of a hill, and then yelled loudly. This would have to be a trap, I think, and how right I was. Two brown aliens appeared at the bottom of the hill. It drilled a hole right through both brown aliens. I was shocked. So was the captain for this matter. The feeble looking gun in his hand was, in fact, deadly. From then onwards I made sure that whenever I followed the captain, I would make sure he didn’t have that gun with him. ops: ops:
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Idiota 10 years ago
You might want to seperate that in paragraphs. It's not the prettiest thing to look at atm, mind you.
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HarmlessHermit 10 years ago
It probably was before the forum deleted all "unnecessary" spaces. Just hit enter after every paragraph.
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Madgamer 10 years ago
"Daz_T" said:
(Little did he know, I would kill later him.)

it should be 'I would kill him later'
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