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-Visitor-

The Gemini 10 years ago
I was bored one day. So, I decided to create an entire new universe in my mind, with it's own setting, factions and landmarks. After some days of daydreaming, I had made the system Cania, complete with planets, factions and history. I was so content with my creation, that I began daydreaming stories from the Cania system. This created the base I am now using to write a story from my universe. It's name is Visitor.



Visitor



Prologue: Another Visitor

One of the most frightening moments a human may experience is waking up and realizing that a person is holding a gun in your mouth.
Now, imagine that you wake up and realize that you are tied to an old chair on the bridge of an old freighter whose life-support system could fail any moment, with a guy holding a plasma rifle, which can incarnate your head if fired, in your mouth while trying to get important information out of you.

Scary? It gets even better.
Imagine that a few kilometres from the rusty low standard freighter, an ancient, long deserted, but still functional, science ship floats calmly, unaware that plastic charges are planted around its antimatter power generator. If these charges are blown, they would release the antimatter stored in the power generator, and transform the entire ship into pure energy, and create one of the largest deep-space explotions seen to this date. The old Mining Union freighter you reside in would be incarnated in a matter of micro seconds.

The worst part is yet to be revealed; this ancient ship contains knowledge that would turn the star-system order upside down.

Glad you are not in that situation? Yes? I thought so. Unfortunately, I can't have that joy. I am the person in that chair, the little centre of a chaos of conspiracies and betrayal, the eye of the storm. However, even though I am in that situation, I don't feel fear. Thank god for the anti-fear chip.




"What did you read?" Finster asked. His name isn't really Finster; I don't know his real name. I somehow, somewhere made up a nick name for him. I don't know who he is, but I believe he is some kind of mercenary. Finster took out the plasma rifle from my mouth so that I could answer.

"Nothing, Finster. Really!" I answered, trying to do my best at lying.

"I saw you using that damn console in that damn wreck! Don't tell lies to me," Finster yelled with anger in his voice.
"And can you please stop calling me Finster?"

"Console? What are you talking about?" I replied. Lying wasn't my best side.

"From where you are now, you don't have any options. You will tell me what information you got from that damn wreckage!" Finster yelled, spitting tiny drops of salvia all over my face.

"What do you get out of this?" I asked. "I mean, who are behind you, what are your motives?"

"Hahah? Did you forget who that holds the rifle, my friend?" Finster replied sarcastically.
"Anyway, you do have the right to hear my motives. My 'employees' wanted me to find and destroy the Rammarr,"

Finster took a pause and watched the ancient science ship, Rammarr, through the thick composite glass that shielded us both from the vacuum on the other side of it. He cleared his throat and continued.

"But then, your little student friend managed to steal that little information ball from me,"

"The Gasidun, you mean," I interrupted.

"Shut up!" Finster spat on the floor, and continued. "So, I was forced to search for your little friend, for without the Gasidun, I couldn't find that wreck. You can figure out the rest. I was also told that if anyone would be so lucky that they managed to get hold on any information from that damn wreckage, I was to find out how much they knew,"

"Nice life story, Finster," I replied while cleaning my teeth with my tongue.

"So, now you know. Then, please answer my question," Finster said calmly, but still angry.

I began to explore the bridge of this freighter with my eyes, pretending I was thinking. We were alone, the entire ship was empty. This ship was a very standard Mining Union ship. Nearly everything was metal or metallic, some of it was rusted. No high-tech equipment what so ever. The consoles and manoeuvring equipment was outdated, just like everything else in the Mining Union's fleet. A fan in a ventilation canal ending in the roof was swirling calmly just above our heads. Everything was in twilight, but I knew if something happened with the ship, red alarm lights would be lit. Through the composite glass on the other end of the bridge, I could see the many stars, and possibly the Cania star too. I didn't really know for sure, for this was so far away the Cania star that it looked like any other star. A huge portion of the Rammarr was visible in the lower right corner of the window.

I then noticed something strange. A partially hidden hatch on the floor behind Finster opened silently, and out climbed a man in a red pilot suit. In his left hand, he held a stun stick. He smiled to me, and I smiled back.

"I surrender, Finster. Bend over, so that I can whisper it into your ear." I said with a smirk.

Finster bent down, making it possible for me to whisper.

"I took a copy, Finster, a copy of everything. And by the way, Finster, it seems like you have a visitor," I said.

A sudden, white light blended both me and Finster, destroying any possibility to watch Finster's reaction to my answer. My mind then faded away, unconscious again.



More chapters comming soon.


I will continue writing this story if you like it. Just use that poll on top of the site, and answer what you thought of Visitor. It will remain open for 3 days.
I would also like some well explained criticism too.
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Anonymous1157 10 years ago
I like it. It's really futuristic. Other than that, no comment, or criticism.
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Redemption 10 years ago
That anti-fear chip could be a nuisance, it will likely limit what you can do in certain situations, your characters won't be as motivated.
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Pete 10 years ago
Looks good. I like the hi-tech feel to it.
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Anonymous1157 10 years ago
Redemption's comment could be solved by frying the chip when it gets too intense, or not being able to handle all of the fear. The second one would be unlikely, seeing how he almost got himself and his system blown to dust.
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Pete 10 years ago
The lines are too long...
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Anonymous1157 10 years ago
I don't mind long stories. Hell, I'm writing in the OpenRP!
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Pete 10 years ago
I mean they are too LONG, they dont fit on the screen! Im talking about the --------------------- things.
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Amarth 10 years ago
"Pete" said:
I mean they are too LONG, they dont fit on the screen! Im talking about the --------------------- things.
I agree. It breaks the layout. Someone fix it.
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The Gemini 10 years ago
Ok, Poll Results: 6 for and 1 against. I will continue writing this story. You just have to wait for 2 weeks, as I am in Hellas/Greece during that time. I love summer break!
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MageKing17 10 years ago
I approve of your spelling and grammar from what I saw of it by glancing over it. Later, I might actually read it and tell you what I think.
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The Gemini 10 years ago
As the first chapter is beginning to take shape, I was wondering if anyone wanted an introduction to the story?
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Redemption 10 years ago
As long as it doesn't reveal too much plotline.
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Quanrian 10 years ago
I removed the lines and put it in a Quote box Happy ?
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The Gemini 10 years ago
Hehe, thanks. The only problem is that it turnes the quote marks into question marks.

EDIT:
Fixed it. It is a more qualifying format for a story than regular text, so I'll keep it that way.
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Grim Reaper 10 years ago
"The Gemini" said:
Hehe, thanks. The only problem is that it turnes the quote marks into question marks.
If you mean that "s turn into ?s, then that is a problem at YOUR end (I view "s in there).
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Crazy 10 years ago
I think he fixed it. They showed as ?s before.
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Grim Reaper 10 years ago
"Crazy" said:
I think he fixed it. They showed as ?s before.
Really? I remember not such a thing.
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