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Forum » Unnamed Story - 0.0

Unnamed Story - 0.0

Zombie 9 years ago
WARNING: The following story may contain mature content. This includes, but is not limited to: violence, sexual themes, and vulgar language... I will not be censoring my writing, so if you do not like it then perhaps try not reading it?



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0.0 - Beginnings

"Kairi was by no means a 'normal' three year old. She was, and still is, a genius. A child prodigy. Daughter of Rainehe, son of the Ancient Dragon Goeran. Daughter of Miynyan, daughter of the Aural Templar Anayan. Her parents were well versed in many schools of magic and were very powerful."

"Her mother knew subjects varying from the arcane to the mundane as a result of being royalty. Runic studies and many arcane and obscure magics were in her vast vault of knowledge and experience."

"Her father knew vast amounts of lore and specialized in magic theory, magical technology, and so-called 'imagineering'. Obviously, he dabbled in many magical experiments when not fiddling about with various technomagical things or randomly turning furniture into candy."

"Kairi was the product of special Rinkai, Felinoid, and Dragon magics that were older than time itself. Her mother and father were both magical crossbreeds, things with 'double purebreed' status. Ancient rites ensured that Rainehe was one-hundred percent Dragon and one-hundred percent Rinkai. These same rites also ensured his mate, Miynyan, was one-hundred percent Felinoid and one-hundred percent Rinkai. They were warned that this magic was carried in their blood and that any offspring would be one-hundred percent of all three... A triple purebreed. They were warned, yet still wanted a child."

"And so, Kairi was concieved and born into the world..." Vyaan coughs a bit as he concludes his explanation of Kairi and her lineage to the twin Felinoid familiars Ayani and Ayano. "She is sealed... until she comes of age. I am tired and have many duties to attend to at home, however... So I must leave you girls to care for her... But," Vyaan's voice drops to a threatening growl, "Her memory has been wiped of what she's done. Do not recount any of it. It is best if she learns of it when she can understand."

Ayano nods happily, tail slowly moving behind her. "Don't worry, Gramps! Me and Ayani can handle the li'l munchkin, no problem!" Ayani smiles, nodding in assent. "Yes, Grandfather. Ayano is right. We can handle this with little trouble. Little sister will be more than safe with us."

Vyaan smiles toothily at the two familiar girls. "Good. Then I will return to Goeran. Kairi wounded him deeply. To think that my son, a healthy and strong dragon of five tonnes or so, was injured and bested by a three year old who couldn't even control her magic!" He starts to chuckle but promptly descends into a fit of hacking coughs. Recovering, he rummages in a pile of odds and ends until he produces two small, glowing crystals from within a pouch. "These..." Vyaan hesitantly murmurs. "These are... They are..."

"They are mother and father." Ayani whispers. "Correct Ayani," Vyaan rumbles on, " Miynyan and Rainehe... Their souls are sealed in these runed crystals. They were once clear, bun now they glow with the light of the spirits. You are Kairi's familiars. You are her remaining family. As such, I will entrust these to you two, to give to Kairi when you feel she is ready." Tears cloud Ayano's eyes as Vyaan speaks, Ayani staring with her mouth slightly ajar.

"I trust in you two to teach my great granddaughter well. What she has done is due to her inability to control her power. Show her how, so that this tragedy is not in vain." Vyaan offers a crystal, glowing a gentle blue in his clawed hand, to Ayano. "Ayano," he rumbles softly, "I think Rainehe would want to be entrusted to you." Ayano extends a shaking hand to take the crystal. As soon as it touches her hand, it pulses slightly and glows a bright green. Vyaan smiles as softly as a centuries-old Dragon can smile. "Well... It seems that Rainehe has indeed chosen you."

Vyaan offers the second crystal to Ayani, who hesitantly reaches to take it. Similarly to how Rainehe's crystal reacted with her sister, Miynyan's crystal pulses slightly and glows bright green. "They are pleased with my decisions, it seems..." Vyaan muses. "They are both still very much alive in there, girls, and they can listen and communicate through the crystals. For someone who cannot control her power, Kairi seems to have done exemplary work with this soul containment."

Shaking, Ayani stares at the crystal softly glowing in her hand. "Are..." she starts hesitantly. "Are they in any pain or anything?" Vyaan slowly shakes his head. "No, child. They are not in pain. It will take them a while to acclimate to their new forms, however, so do not expect to be able to use their full power whenever you li-" Vyaan is cut off by a thunderous, piercing roar and a shuddering boom that reverberates throughout the castle.

"Gramps!" Ayano screams, "It's a Skragg!" Ayani nods in agreement. "You are tired and weak, grandfather. We will take care of the Skragg demon while you escape. It has probably sensed you, Kairi, and the absence of Mother and Father. It wants the castle for a nest and has decided that we are weak at the moment..." Ayano grimaces at her sister and mumbles, "Unfortunately it's right. Now go, Gramps!"

Vyaan nods and thumps off toward the balcony while Ayani and Ayano dash toward the lobby of the castle. The Skragg demon violently bashes and claws the reinforced gates of the castle as Ayano sets up a barrier on the gates. "This should buy us some time, sis, but I can't hold it off forever," she shouts. "We must fight!" Ayani nods gravely and reaches for the sword sheathed at her hip. Suddenly, Miynyan's crystal pulsates strongly and glows a piercing blue in Ayani's hand. A soft voice hums melodically from the crystal's smooth surface. "Chrono-Rune Blade," it whispers. Rising from Ayani's hand, the crystal pulses again before coming to a halt midair in front of her. Silvery tendrils snake out of the crystal, forming a blade around itself. A dull click echoes in the cavernous lobby as an eye on the hilt of the blade opens, revealing Miynyan's crystal.

After recovering from shock, Ayani grins and grabs the hilt of the weapon. The blade promptly flares up with a soft violet aura. "Let our guest in," Ayani says murderously. "Miynyan and I will teach him what happens to those that would intrude on our territory!" As Ayano releases the barrier the castle gates explode into the lobby, flinging splinters of wood and shards of metal all over. The Skragg demon lumbers inside to see two small creatures. One flares with magic and the other has a pointy, shiny, glowing thing. Skragg demons, mind, are not too fond of magic so it lunges for Ayano. Ayano quickly focuses her energies and the Skragg's claw strokes end up bashing against a shimmering barrier of magic. Each swipe of the Skragg's massive claws causes the barrier to spark and ripple as Ayano's energies meet the Skragg stroke for stroke.

A bright violet flash pierces the air as one of the Skragg's armored tentacles blocks a flying overhead chop from Ayani. The beast screams in defiance, madly flailing about in a blind rage. Blocking flailing tentacles with the flat of her blade, Ayani struggles to keep steady in the air. Ayano also shows strain, trying to keep the barrier standing against the Skragg's onslaught while sweat beads on her forehead. Using what little free concentration she can muster, Ayani quickly scans around for Vyaan, to ensure he has escaped. Noting his presence some great distance away, somewhere toward Nyuunthep, Ayani gives a sigh of relief. In that small moment, her attention was elsewhere and her concentration faltered. A thick, armored tentacle fills her vision as her eyes widen in realization.
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Zombie 9 years ago
In lieu of listening to what you actually want and asked for... I will, instead, post the first sub-chapter of a brand new (and much differently geared) story that I have written. :3

Okay, so I'm actually going to need some TIME to work on [Catgirl], so I'm typing this up hoping that I can release the two or three sub-chapters I have done already while I'm working on [Catgirl]. This story is untitled and, well... How about I leave it at that and let you read it? :3

Oh, and if you're reading this now and the bit of story is not above yet... Wait a bit. I'm typing the first sub-chapter up as you read. :3
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Murska 9 years ago
Nice. I like it! Waiting for the resolution of the battle, here.
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Amarth 9 years ago
Mmmm. Not bad. It annoyed me a bit that you have the word "thing" three times in your text. And perhaps some more descriptions would be nice... It's an alien world for us after all. Especially the characters could use a bit more exposition IMO. But, well, all in all it's good reading.
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Zombie 9 years ago
"Amarth" said:
Mmmm. Not bad. It annoyed me a bit that you have the word "thing" three times in your text. And perhaps some more descriptions would be nice... It's an alien world for us after all. Especially the characters could use a bit more exposition IMO. But, well, all in all it's good reading.

Mmmm... "Thing" is a word so I see little problem in using it, but I do see your point kinda.

Anyway, my writing style seems to be to describe as I go. I prefer my readers to form a picture of the world as they see fit, filling in the blanks with what is major. For instance, you don't really need to KNOW what colour Ayano or Ayani's fur is... Or if they have kitty ears. Or the placement of said ears. You're given "felinoid" and are left to draw your own conclusions because that's what makes the story yours too. :3 As a writer, it's my job to give you a world to climb into. How you see it depends on the eyes you use. I prefer to stimulate the imagination, not tell you what's what all the time. :3 In my writing you can usually assume that if you don't know it, it isn't an important enough detail for you to know... At least not yet. Character descriptions come in time, with me. I don't like starting off with what everyone looks like. Seems cliched. I prefer to get right into what's happening. :3 It's like time... An event won't wait for you to see exactly what someone looks like. You just kinda touch and go.

I dunno, maybe it's just me? You all seem to like my writing the way I do it, right? So unless it's a major error, why risk potentially damaging or crippling a style I seem to use commonly and seem to use well? Anyway, maybe I'll type up 0.1 just to piss you all off. More suspense, there would be! Oh, and 0.2 isn't done, I don't think. :\ Unless I'm missing a page that's somewhere in my notebooks... I really have to look through those things again. XD

Anywho, I have chapter 11 of [Catgirl] done but not typed up and chapter 12 partially done. It'll take me a bit to get back into the flow of that story, though. That and I do kinda have to study for some of my college classes. Don't expect updates every week or so. You'll have stuff to read soon, though. :3 I do kinda get bored with playing games for leisure, so I'ma try writing again as a leisure thing. :3

[EDIT]
Okay, on second thought... My useage of the word "thing" was appropriate in two out of the three occurances. "things with double purebreed status" is to imply that, well... Isn't it obvious? Maybe I'll change it to "beings" or something but meh... Oh, and the use of "thing" in "glowing, pointy, shiny thing" or however it went... Was meant to show that Skragg demons are rather stupid. They don't know what swords are. They just know you're holding a thing that makes them hurt when you poke them with it. So they crush you mercilessly. They're stupid things.
[/EDIT]
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E_net4 9 years ago
Brilliant work, there. I suggest you don't quit on it.
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Idiota 9 years ago
Most writers try to avoid using the same word on the same page more than once I believe. You should try to find synonyms.
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MageKing17 9 years ago
The intro started to give me near-heart-attack-inducing flashbacks to "and she's half-pony and half-unicorn and half-fairy-princess and half-necromancer and..."

Obviously you don't seem the type to create Mary Sues, but everyone's susceptible to it now and then, so just keep a watch eye out.
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Zombie 9 years ago
"MageKing17" said:
The intro started to give me near-heart-attack-inducing flashbacks to "and she's half-pony and half-unicorn and half-fairy-princess and half-necromancer and..."

Obviously you don't seem the type to create Mary Sues, but everyone's susceptible to it now and then, so just keep a watch eye out.

Hahahahaha. That's not going to happen. She's %300 for a reason and... Err... Well, I suppose I can say that you can expect more "beings" like that in the universe this story is based in. Some bad, some good, some just really, really annoying... :3 So it's not like it's a, "ZOMG, this character I made is TOTALLY uberpowerful!"
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Zombie 8 years ago
Forums: Well, Zombie... Why haven't you written any more lately?

Me: Because college sucks and work sucks and I like games. Blame Dwarf Fortress.


That is all.
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Quanrian 8 years ago
This really isn't half bad at all. The only real criticism I can give is that I didn't know enough about the Skragg or the familiars for that matter. I've found in literature it helps to introduce these types of anomolies in their own environment or perhaps a highly contrasting one. Other than not knowing enough about what was attacking ( just because I enjoy my villians more than my heroes), I did find it a good read. You've obviously got some talent here, and should do what any artist does and focus on your strengths, maybe diversify a bit, but don't thin yourself out to the point your writing lacks sustenance. There's much to build on here, so I encourage you to do so, and of course best of luck in completing it into at least a short story.
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