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  • [Catgirl] *PROCESSING CHAPTER ELEVEN*

    Zombie 11 years ago
    WARNING: The following story may contain mature content. This includes, but is not limited to: violence, sexual themes, and vulgar language... I will not be censoring my writing, so if you do not like it then perhaps try not reading it?



    [Catgirl]


    [1]The Fifty-Sixth Child

    Saturday, 12:37 in the earliest hours of the morning. A humid day, rain a heavy possibility from how the large dark clouds hang in the sky like gelatinous grey sponges. Nickie Enso, a nurse in the single nameless local hospital-and-pharmacy for quite a long way, performs her routine check on the infant ward in the north wing of the hospital.

    The hospital is a very large building consisting of a large main wing with five branching wings. Like a great hand it spreads across the landscape, appearing as if it stabilizes the entire land. In a way it does, as if it were not present then the people would be without jobs, medical attention and supplies, and so much more.

    Nickie walked the all-too familiar halls to the infant ward in the north wing, stopping for the occasional security checkpoint or to wave a weary response to the occasional, "Hey Nick!" from coworkers. She wanted to get this, her last check of the day, over with so she could catch some much-needed sleep.

    Brene Malenra, commander of hospital security squad Alpha Lambda assigned to guard and escort Nickie, finally caught up to the woman he was supposed to be guarding. He stopped her with an armored hand on her shoulder as he regains his breath. He pants, "Nick... You need to wait for me..."

    Nickie rolled her eyes, "I know, the whole 'safety' thing right?"

    Brene sighs, "Look, it is not my fault the company wants us to look after brilliant minds wasting their potential in a damned hospital."

    Nickie glares at him and walks through a bulkhead into the north infant ward.

    She fiddles with a nearby panel, checking the status of the infants in the ward. She mutters to herself as she works, "Oh-kay... One through twenty stable... Six is hungry... Twenty-one through fourty stable... Changing time for twenty-four and thirty-two... Fourty-one through fifty-six stable... Fourty-two has abnormal brainwave patterns... Looks like we have a new genius... Alright... Everything is a-ok..."

    She rummages around a few cabinets and drawers, gathering her things. The infant ward doubles as her office. Smiling to herself, Nickie mumbles, "Home to sleep! Yay!"

    Brene sighs as Nickie emerges from the infant ward, "Come on, Nick. I'll drive you home so you can get some rest."

    Nickie starts to nod but suddenly gasps as her tired mind finally reaches a realization. Brene whirls around to face Nickie, "What? What is the matter?!"

    Nickie turns back toward the bulkhead to the infant ward, her hands covering her mouth as her eyes widen. Brene steps in front of her and grabs her shoulders, "Nickie, what is the matter?!"

    Nickie blinks a few times and stares at Brene before answering, "There are only supposed to be fifty-five in this ward..."

    Brene raises an eyebrow quizically. Perhaps Nickie was more tired than he originally thought. He asks, "So?"

    Nickie mumbles, "There are fifty-six!"

    Brene shrugs, his heavy armor creaking and clanking as he moves, "And? There was obviously just a birth while you-"

    Nickie interrupts, jabbing Brene with a finger, "No, there was not! All additions or relocations have to go through me before they are authorized!"

    Brene blinks, "Maybe you-"

    Nickie again interrupts him, shaking her head, "Also, the maternity wards are completely empty and have been for a few weeks."

    Brene opens his mouth to reply but promptly shuts it as he realizes that Nickie is right. There was no explanation for this fifty-sixth child.

    Nickie narrows her eyes as she grabs Brene's arm, "We will get to the bottom of this!"

    Sleep forgotten, she drags Brene by his arm into the bulkhead. Brene loudly protests, "Ahh! My arm! Let go you crazy woman! You do not need to force me to come with, I am paid to do it anyways!"


    [2]"The Orphanage"

    Nickie stormed into her office with a very confused Brene in tow. She lets go of his arm, much to his relief, and starts fiddling around with the control panel. Brene rubs his shoulder as he grumbles, "Look Nick, I do not know why you are so worked up about this, but that is no excuse to go dragging people about by their arms! Damn, I think you have dislocated my shoulder..."

    Nickie taps the button to engage the ward's observation mode before she turns around and lightly whacks Brene over the head with her hand. She grins playfully and says, "Aww! Poor Brene! Mr. big, strong guard man has a dislocated shoulder! Well, good thing we are in a hospital! You can get that concussion I just gave you checked out too."

    Brene grumbles incoherently as he takes a seat on a large couch in one corner of the room. The massive bulkhead doors suddenly hiss gently as multiple deep thunks sound out, reverberating throughout the door as the bulkhead's hydraulics system propels the huge locking bolts into place deep within the thick metal of the doors. A gentle sliding motion is all that is felt as the ward office smoothly disengages from the bulkhead portion of the ward and silently glides over the infant rooms.

    Nickie guides the room to glide to a stop over room A-five-zero-N-six, which is the fifty-sixth child's room. Each infant has their own separate room in the north ward as it was the hospital's duty, and Nickie's duty by chosen profession, to raise these children. No family would be coming to claim these children. The nickname for the entire division Nickie is assigned to is "The Orphanage" and even though it is one of the largest divisions in the hospital, it barely accounts for one-fifth of the north wing.

    The Orphanage is separated from the main north wing, just as the other infant wards are separated from their main wings, and is only connected by a large umbilical. The main difference separating the Orphanage from the other infant and child wards, aside from the fact that the children in the ward are without families, is that no one except authorized personell are informed that the ward houses abandoned children. While tram service runs twenty-four hours a day through the umbilical, the ward is only referred to as the "North Ward, Infant and Child Division." The company keeps the identities of all orphaned children highly secure for some odd, unknown reason. However, that was how it was when you worked for the company.

    The only other oddity about the Orphanage is that its umbilical is the only one that restricts driving across to authorized personell. Driving is always faster than taking a tram, but as the Orphanage has much higher security than almost any other sector or division inside the hospital things like this are to be expected.

    Nickie grumbles to herself as she works on the control panel, cursing the company for its asinine policies of secrecy when it comes to the Orphanage. If they would at least tell Brene, the guard assigned to make sure she was safe, then she wouldn't have to deal with his whining about being confused. While Nickie works, Brene suddenly realizes that Nickie has a very nice, quite large, and well furnished office. He complains aloud, "Hey... Why does she get a nice office with a couch and stuff...? All I have is a locker and bed in my room, and my room is the size of a closet! I mean-"

    He stops speaking as he realizes that Nickie is now standing in front of him and glaring at him. Also coming to the realization that he was thinking aloud, he quickly scans the room for something to distract Nickie with. He points at a door near the couch.

    The door itself is a standard heavy automatic sliding door with deadbolt technology similar to the technology used in the bulkheads. Doors of this type are generally used for personal quarters, being classified as 'low security' by the company's security devision. This door, however, is curiously covered in yellow warning markers. Brene, deciding that this would surely distract Nickie, asks, "Uhh... So what is with that door there, Nick?"

    Nickie narrows her eyes at Brene, who is starting to consider the possibility of injury in his immediate future. Remembering the incident where Nickie nearly killed her instructor in an advanced combat training sparring match did not particularly help Brene calm himself. He decided that the best course of action now would be to beg for mercy, so he pleads,"Nickie! Please, no injuring! I really like my limbs and would like to keep them where they are!"

    Nickie starts to giggle as she says, "Wow, Brene! Calm down! No need to wet yourself, I was just playing around with you. We need to wait until morning to peek in on this kid because I am not going to disturb the poor child's sleep just so we can gawk at it."

    Brene nods in understanding as Nickie pauses to glance at the door. She sighs and decides to explain, "That door leads to our personal quarters..."

    Brene blinks, "Wait, our-"

    Nickie continues, "They are currently under construction, which is why you and I have to live in the main north wing for a day or two more."

    Brene stares blankly at Nickie, who rolls her eyes and says, "Get your mind out of the gutter, Brene! No funny ideas. We are in separate bedrooms and the doors have locks. The company decided it would be best if my 'personal bodyguard' was near me at all times."

    Brene nods and mumbles, "I thought as much..."

    Nickie, thinking he was merely being perverted, dismissed the matter and gave him a pillow and blanket before curling up in a recliner with a blanket of her own.

    Brene lay down, but couldn't sleep... The company never increased guard unless something was going to happen... At times they seemed almost psychic by the way they predicted occurances.


    [3]Reassignments

    Nickie awakes to the sound of the bulkhead hissing. She grimaces as she opens her eyes, the bright lights of the once-dark room temporarily blinding her. She groans as she feels someone prodding her awake. Damn that Brene... Did he know how early it felt?

    What she opens her eyes to, however, is not Brene. A person in a pitch black suit with black tie and rimless black sunglasses greets her with a cup of tea. Blinking, Nickie takes the cup and notices, by the aroma wafting from the cup, that it is her favorite kind.

    Her mind scrambles for words, but all Nickie can manage is a rather lethargic, "And who are you?"

    Funny how that happened... She fully intended to thank the person for the tea, but somewhere along the line the words seemed to have changed a little bit. The person grins and replies, "I am Amy McClellan."

    Nickie blinks in surprise. "A woman?"

    Amy rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses. "Your perceptiveness astounds me. You thought I was male? That would be a first, a man with breasts..."

    Nickie sips her tea, obviously quite embarassed. Amy grins and raises and eyebrow, "Ahh, so you thought I was male. Forgive my bluntness, I am not offended easily. I was merely using heavy sarcasm. I understand the confusion, however, as these suits do tend to make one's gender rather ambiguous."

    Nickie takes another sip of her tea, feeling more awake due to the scalding she gave her tounge on the first try. Deciding to wait until the tea cools off to drink it, and to save herself from further tounge injury, Nickie sets the cup on her desk. "Forgive the questioning, but where is Brene and why are you here?"

    Amy sighs and leans against the wall next to the now-closed bulkhead. "Mister Malenra has been called away to recieve a 'very important assignment,' as the company puts it. I have been assigned to you as your new personal bodyguard. Mister Malenra does not, as you already must know, have maximum security clearance as you do. The company, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that a low-security employee guarding a high-security employee may result in security leaks."

    Amy pauses for a bit to remove her sunglasses, which she fiddles with as she continues, "They... They also seem to have been worried about a male guarding a female... Perhaps they thought that mister Malenra might guard your body a bit too closely..."

    Rolling her eyes, Nickie giggles a little and idly mumbles, "Yeah... Right... Brene and me? Hah. What a laugh... Not as if I am interested in men anyways."

    Amy pauses in the middle of putting her sunglasses back on and ends up peering at Nickie over the top of them, an eyebrow creeping up her forehead as she contemplates Nickie's mumblings. "Not... Not interested? In men? Now, I do not mean to pry into your private life, but what exactly might you mean by that?"

    Nickie, now working at the control pane, inputs a few commands as she idly replies, "I do not see what business it is of yours, but I happen to prefer the company of women as opposed to that of men... Anyways, idle banter aside... Are you one of the company's pawns sent here to monitor me?"

    Shaking her head Amy chuckles, "No, no, no... You and I both are similar in that aspect. The company is as much of an enigma to me as it is to you."

    Nickie waves her hand behind her in the direction of the bathroom, not even looking up from the console. "Ahh... Alright then... You can go and change if you like... I rarely wear formal clothing and I see no reason to require it of anyone else."

    Amy smiles, "Ahh! You are too kind, miss Enso, but I believe I will just keep this on for now. Would you happen to know when our quarters will be completed?"

    Nickie nods, eyes still on the console, "Our quarters will be done sometime later this afternoon... Oh, and you may call me Nickie or whatever you like... No need for formalities."

    Amy nods as Nickie finishes up with the console. Nickie heads for the bathroom and emerges a few minutes later wearing a fresh set of clothes. Grabbing her trenchcoat, Nickie nods to Amy. "Alright. Let us go before the construction crew arrives to finish up. They are quite noisy, you know... First stop, the main desk in the lobby. Something is wrong with the console in here and I do not have the time to fix it..."

    Voicing her consent, Amy follows Nickie into the bulkhead after the door hiss open. Meanwhile, Brene grumbles as he trudges to the main armory in the hospital's main complex. The company was definitely up to something.


    [4]Shadowed Intentions

    Nickie and Amy both stride through the hallways, the rest of the orphanage still sleeping. Glancing at a clock, Nickie groans. 5:24, only about four hours of sleep... Still, it is better than nothing. The hallways of the orphanage twist and wind as Nickie and Amy approach the lobby, where the main desk is located.

    Stepping behind the unattended desk, Nickie pulls out her ID card and inserts it into the card slot located in the desk surface. A computer at the desk beeps and ejects the card after scanning it, Nickie quickly grabbing it and slipping it into the pocket of her jeans. She glances at a nearby screen, which had just recently activated with a buzz-click, as text flickers across it. She nods to herself as she reads the scrolling text.

    As the screen falls silent and clicks off, Nickie turns to Amy and beckons her to follow. Heading down a hallway, the pair enter a bulkhead marked 'Database Core.' The heavy doors hiss as they slide closed behind them. A pleasant computerized voice fills the bulkhead chamber, requesting verification in an overly friendly tone. Nickie pulls out her ID card again momentarily, briefly holding it up to a security camera near the bulkhead control panel.

    The card image circulates in the security sysems a few times as it is scanned, rescanned, verified, and subjected to several other security procedures. The computerized voice politely tells Nickie and Amy to wait as the bulkhead is cycled and decontaminated. Off-white mist briefly fills the bulkhead before being sucked into vents after a few seconds of idle floating and the airlock quickly cycles. After the airlock latches are secured, the bulkhead door hisses and slides open.

    Amy sighs as she follows Nickie, "Alright, I give. What are we doing here, Nickie?"

    Tapping in a code on a keypad locked door, Nickie idly mumbles, "I have to do some maintenance on pylon three."

    Raising an eyebrow at the incredibly vauge answer, Amy follows Nickie into pylon three's housing room. "Well... Why? What is wrong with it?"

    Nickie pulls open a concealed maintenance hatch on the floor of the room. She quickly climbs into the maintenance shaft, which gives her voice an odd echoing effect. "Absolutely no idea. Assignment just said 'maintenance' so it could be just about anything... I figured it would be more obvious than this."

    While Nickie and Amy work on the database core, which is the main computer array for the hospital and yet another reason for the orphanage's heavy security, Brene stares at a large exoskeletal powersuit. The company wanted him in it and armed as soon as possible.

    Brene grumbles to himself as he climbs in and starts the suit up, the hatches closing with dull clanks. Turning on the automated diagnostics check, Brene hears the dull whirr of the suit's armored plates sliding into place. Noting how eerily comfortable the suit is, Brene squints as the suit's main systems come to life and flood the cockpit with ambient lighting in addition to the light from the visual displays. The suit moves smoothly as Brene walks to the equipment and arming station. Brene shrugs off the plethora of questions streaming through his mind as he gets geared up. The company may be acting weird as hell, but they have some damn fun toys!

    Meanwhile, Nickie and Amy sit in pylon three, wondering what possibly could need any maintenance as they had checked the room over five times, each time showing that pylon three is in pristine condition. The entire room even has that lingering smell of brand new electronics. Nickie, grumbling various things about people wasting her time, suggests to Amy that they head back to her office to see how the construction is going. Amy nods, "Yeah, I am getting a little hungry from not helping you fix this unbroken pylon..."

    As Nickie and Amy head toward the bulkhead, Brene recieves his assignment and nearly has a heart attack. He grimaces and growls, "Damnit! I knew the company was up to something...!"

    Brene's new exosuit clanks as he walks the familiar hallways to Nickie's office.


    [5]Command Loadout

    Nickie blinks at the exosuit guarding the bulkhead to her office. She did not expect anything at all to be guarding her office, let alone an exosuit. Amy, however, grins and waves at the suit, greeting the pilot with an enthusiastic, "Hello Brene! Long time no see!"

    Nickie gapes at Amy. How the hell did she know who was piloting that suit? Comforting herself by assuming it was due to prior knowledge or a simple guess, Nickie shrugs the matter off rather quickly. That is, of course, before the pilot replies, "Well, hello there Amy! I was wondering where you two went and when exactly you might be back..."

    Nickie nearly falls over, realizing that the voice coming from the suit does indeed belong to Brene. While wanting to know how the heck Amy knew Brene was in the exosuit, Nickie decides to first address the problem of Brene being in an obviously brand-new exosuit. Striding up to the exosuit like a madman to her doom, Nickie yells, "Brene! Why the hell are you here?! Why the hell are you in that exosuit?! I had damn well better get one too... Do I?!"

    Laughing at Nickie's slight bout of attention deficiency, Brene motions for Nickie and Amy to enter the bulkhead. "Nick, we can talk in your office. I am as confused as you are about all of this, but hopefully we can piece together a reasonable hypothesis from what we all know..."

    Amy helps a rather disgruntled looking Nickie into the bulkhead as Brene manouvers his exosuit inside and activates the airlock cycle. Nickie blinks in amazement, rage and confusion forgotten as she realizes that the bulkhead to her office never had a full airlock cycle system installed, yet it appears to now have one. As Nickie opens her mouth to comment on this, Amy shakes her head places a finger over her lips to silence her.

    As the bulkhead door hisses open Nickie is greeted with the familiar glow of her office's ambient lighting system. Guided by Amy to the couch, Nickie slowly lowers herself to the cusions. Brene's exosuit hisses open as the bulkhead hisses closed, the heavy thunks of the bulkhead locking complimenting the whirr-clink of the exosuit's armor plates sliding open to let Brene out. Nickie, while noting the perfect harmony this occurs in, can not help but notice that her bulkhead also never locked like that.

    After straightening his rather ruffled clothing, Brene sits in an armchair and leans forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands folded. "Now, I was told to gear up and return to my normal duties as your bodyguard. What about you two?"

    Amy shrugs, "Nothing much, really. We were just sent to repair a nonexistant... something... in pylon three of the main core."

    Nickie nods, obviously in deep thought. Brene runs a hand through his shoulder-length black hair, "So, it is obvious we were all wanted out of here during the work. My question is why... I mean-"

    "Sorry to interrupt Brene," Nickie politely interjects, "But my question is not why, but how. How did you, Amy, know it was Brene in that exosuit?"

    Amy idly points at her glasses, "My glasses are equipped with advanced sensors. They are my own personal gear, built with my own two hands."

    Brene idly waves the matter aside, "We have bigger problems to worry about here. Why do we not try to figure out-"

    "Again, sorry to interrupt," Nickie interjects yet again, "But it is fairly evident from the shape and loadout of my 'new and improved' office, not to mention the new bulkhead modifications, that it is meant as a command module."

    Raising an eyebrow, Amy asks, "Command module? For what?"

    Nickie only shrugs in response.


    [6]The Company and The Rebellion

    Amy suddenly bursts out laughing, provoking bewildered looks from Nickie and Brene. Regaining her composure, Amy asks, "Alright, so would you mind telling me exactly how you know all of this, Nickie?"

    Nickie shrugs, "If you wish to know, then I shall tell you. I used to... Uhmm... Build rather crazy things while I was freelancing, before the company found me. I created a device to detect and monitor various energy patterns in biological organisms. It worked better than I ever expected and detected not only the energies in a being, but exactly where they stemmed from and what controlled them. Long story short, I discovered what some now call 'psychic' energies, among many other energies stemming from the brain. A few inventions later, I made a device to help a creature start to control its energies, giving birth to the 'magics' people rave about now. I simply took a cursory glance through this general area with a simple technique I picked up."

    Brene stares at Amy in astonishment, "What, were you not briefed?!"

    Amy shakes her head and Brene gasps. Noticing Amy and Nickie staring at him, Brene explains, "Everything here... Amy's assignment... My gearing up... The bulkhead... The office renovations... The company expects something big soon. Very soon."

    Deciding to humor Brene, Nickie asks, "Big like what, Brene? Like an-"

    A rolling boom suddenly shakes the hospital as the whining of the shield generators suddenly can be hears. Nickie finishes in a whisper, "Attack...?"

    Klaxons can be heard blaring behind the bulkhead as Nickie runs to the console. On a wild hunch she frantically checks on the children to find that they had all been relocated. Relocated by orders from the company president himself. Oddly enough only one child was left, the odd fifty-sixth child to be precise. The hospital lurches as another explosion rumbles somewhere outside.

    As Nickie hurries to check the exterior cameras to find out what is going on, the console panel suddenly goes dark. "Shit," Nickie yells over the klaxons, "I have been locked ou-"

    She is cut short as the room lurches. This was no explosion, the room was moving. In a few seconds, the panel lights up with instructions to move through the forward bulkhead. Yelling for Brene and Amy to follow her, Nickie runs through the now unblocked door into what she assumed would be her quarters. Instead, a door-lined halway ended with a bulkhead greets her.

    Dashing down the hallway, Nickie heads for the bulkhead with Brene and Amy close behind her. Boots clanking on the metal floors, the three enter the bulkhead, which quickly cycles them through. None of them were prepared for what they saw next.

    Before them lies a sea of ships on a backdrop of stars. On one side are glistening white behemoths, emblazoned with the company logo. Opposing the white ships of the company is a myriad of ships, all emblazoned with a red fist in various locations. Weapons fire lances between ships, the ships with the red fists occasionally tossing some weapons fire at the hospital's shields as bomber-fighters swarm everywhere. The bombers, of course, are complimented with either company heavy fighters or the smaller light fighters of the opposition.

    Suddenly the amazing view fades as Nickie turns off all except the forward viewscreens. Somehow the three finds themselves in something remarkably resembling the bridge of a ship.

    Questions amassing in their minds, the three stare at a hologram that had just appeared in the center of the bridge. Nickie hears herself say, "Incoming transmission from the company flagship... It is the president!"


    [7]Modular Phoenix

    Whirring, the holographic generators on the bridge precisely aim their laser projector arrays before activating them, broadcasting various combinations of colored laser light to form a three dimensional image that rests in the large spherical holo-display area in the center of the bridge. The image is that of a man in an ornate business suit. It is clear from the man's stance that he is not only very powerful but also quite wealthy.

    Crackling slightly, the bridge's audio projection systems come to life with a soft pinging chime. The image of the man turns to face Nickie, his cool gaze sweeping over Amy and Brene without hesitation. As he turns, a small but powerful camera follows his gaze, broadcasting exactly what he would be seeing if he were actually present. His voice, like his gaze, is cool and calm. "Hello Nickie. I believe you know who I am, or at least my position in the company. I am correct in my assumptions, yes?"

    Overcoming her surprise, Nickie manages to nod and stammer, "Y-y-yes... Yes... Yes sir. B-but, why are-"

    Interrupting Nickie, the president shakes his head, "No, no! There is no time for your questions currently. I realize you are confused and want some answers about what is going on, but there shall be time for that later. The ships with the insignia of the red fist seek you, Nickie. We have been planning your escape ever since we heard of their plans a few months ago."

    Gesturing to the rest of the bridge, he continues, "We have named this vessel 'Phoenix' as it utilizes your modular ship design."

    Nickie raises an eyebrow, "I thought that project was scrapped...?"

    Nodding, the president says, "Yes, it was. This is why this ship is called 'Phoenix.' Now tell me, do you remember every detail of your designs, Nickie? Right down to the controls themselves?"

    Nickie nods, "That I do..."

    The president smiles, "Then you should know the control layout better than anyone. Make use of the information in the ship database and run. Run as fast and as far as you can. Keep-"

    The comm signal cuts in and out as the hospital reels from a rather viscious attack by the ships with the insignia of the red fist.

    "Run, now!" - "Stay sa-" - "-rotect th-" - "GO!"

    As the comm signal fades, the holoprojectors reform the hologram into an extensive diagram of the ship. According to the diagram, only the bridge and command module are connected. However, not even a second after the diagram appears, a flashing yellow outline marked 'engine module' approaches the rear of the command module while another flashing yellow outline marked 'main hold' approaches the bottom of the command module.

    Shuddering slightly as the engine module couples with the command module, the ship seems to be quite sturdy despite its modular structure. After a few seconds a loud hiss signifies that the engine and command modules have finished coupling and the yellow outline changes to a green silhouette. The main hold, fitting snugly under both the command and engine modules, soon has a hiss of its own along with an accompanying green silhouette.

    Having already initiated the generator startup sequences, Nickie's fingers fly over various panels as she readies the ship for departure. Glancing at Amy and Brene as she straps herself into the pilot's seat and takes the manual controls, Nickie points to the navigator and gunner seats. "Amy, take nav. Brene, keep the fighters off of our ass. We only have point defense weapons and no shield... Also, you may want to hold on tight as we are slingshotting out of here."

    Brene and Amy exchange bewildered glances before deciding to do as Nickie says. The bridge gets eerily silent as the engines start up with a dull humming whir. Soon the creaking of docking clamps trying to restrain the ship accompanies the hum of the engine. Brene's eyes widen as he realizes what Nickie is planning to do.


    [8]Hostile Negotiations

    With the simple press of a button, the docking clamps simultaniously disengage from the Phoenix. If space were not a vaccuum then the resulting sonic blast from the Phoenix's rapid acceleration would most likely have blown about one-fourth of the orphanage apart.

    Almost immediately, rebel fighters veer away from the hospital and rocket toward the Phoenix. Noticing that they are not firing, Nickie hails the fighters after quickly sliding on her headset. The lead fighter answers the hail and opens a voice-only comm channel, "This is Red-15 A-X97-32 to unknown vessel, presumed Phoenix. Do you read?"

    Nickie quickly adjusts her microphone before responding, "Occasionally I do, yes. Quite a lot in fact... What is this about, Red-15?"

    "Do not place your full trust in the company. Our goal here is to give a warning about all of the treachery this 'company' commits. We do not know what you have been told but you are to be protected and freed from the company's grasp. That ship is the Phoenix, yes?"

    "Uhh... Yes. Phoenix multipurpose vessel... Wha-"

    "The time for questions is later. Incognito company ships disguised as our own are closing in as we speak. Fly Phoenix! Fly and we will contact you later. We will cover your escape."

    The comm channel clicks closed and the fighters veer off, heading towards the supposedly incognito company ships. As the Phoenix works her way toward the edges of the battlefield, a message silently reaches the rebel flagship. After recieving it, the rebel leader grins and give the order to commence 'hostile negotiations' with the company.

    Space ripples around the rebel fleet as several gigantic blueish battleships enter from subspace, bearing glistening insignias of green eagles superimposed over red pentagrams. All true rebel ships shed their original insignias to reveal these new symbols, leaving the company completely exposed.

    These new battleships bring multiple odd-looking cannons to bear, all targeting various ships in the company fleet. An ultimatum is issued from the rebel forces to the company, "Agree to negotiate a treaty with the colonies that wish to be independent or we will be forced to fight to wrest them from your control."

    As the company flagship disappears into subspace the rebel forces recieve the reply, "We do not negotiate with rebels or terrorists. We are a business, not a democracy."

    Growling, the rebel leader gives an order. Beams lance from the cannons of the blueish battleships, shredding through the company ship shields. Fire from company ships simply bounce off of the battleship shields, missiles going haywire and impacting their launcher. Panic spreads throughout the company ranks as the rebels display their determination and frighteningly advanced technology. It is utterly incomprehensible to the company as to how these vast advances were made so quickly and by a rebel faction.

    There was no real battle, just a massacre of company forces. The Phoenix, now a very good distance away from the battlefield, powers toward its target destination with conventional drives as the subspace drive is calibrated by Brene and Amy. Nickie checks up on the child that was left in their care and confirms that it is indeed that mysterious fifty-sixth child.

    Nickie pales as she reads the messages left for her by the company executives.


    [9]Future in Relics
    "We have to raise this freaking kid now," Nickie loudly explains to Amy and Brene in the main engine room, "In addition to staying alive during this damn war that has broken out with us in the middle!"

    Subconsciously, Nickie causes several emotions to mainfest themselves in Amy and Brene with her minute psychic abilities. Amy quietly listens to Nickie as she rants in the outer rooms of the engine module, allowing Brene to make some progress on the fairly old subspace drive. Eventually Brene starts to get rather annoyed with Nickie and her psychic broadcast of many rather intense emotions. "Damnit woman," Brene yells at Nickie through the corridor, "Keep your damned emotions to yourself, stop whining, and, for shit's sake, please figure out where the bloody fuck we are going! This piece of crap subspace drive will burn out after one jump, so we had better pick a good place."

    Nickie stops and stares at Brene, who is now standing in the doorway of the engine room, for a few seconds before turning around and pointing a little to the left of the bulkhead out of the engine module. Amy sighs and rolls her eyes as she realizes that Nickie just used her 'psychic' abilities to pinpoint their destination without really noticing. "We are going there," Nickie idly informs Brene, "And if the subspace drive can not be used then it will take us a few years instead of a few minutes."

    Brene grumbles and begrudgingly returns to the subspace drive. The 'damn thing,' as Brene so wonderfully refers to it, needs to be hooked to the main drives, calibrated, tested, and finally fully coupled to the engine. The hospitality of the company thus far has been astounding, but first an old subspace drive and then not installing it was a major mistake. Nickie can feel an unknown force nearing them, consisting of a mass of ships. She can not yet see anything about them as her 'psychic' sight only extends for a few meters and these ships are hundreds of thousands of meters away, appearing to be keeping their distance.

    "Either way," Nickie thinks aloud, "Either way we should be fine... I think."

    Raising an eyebrow, Amy asks, "What? What is going on, Nickie?"

    Idly waving her hand about, as if to ward the question away, Nickie mumbles rather incoherently. After a little prodding from Amy, Nickie finally tells her what is going on. "We have an unknown fleet tailing us, the subspace drive is not ready yet and we may need it very soon," Nickie pauses for a bit before continuing, "That and we are seeking refuge in the ruins of old Earth."

    Amy pales and her eyes widen at the thought of old Earth. "Wh-why d-do you," she stammers rather incoherently, "W-wh... what..."

    Nickie sadly shakes her head, "Yeah. I know, but it is the only place we can safely hide. I have a lot of enemies due to my discoveries, and apparently the kid has people after her too..."

    "But... But the ruins of old Earth are a deathtrap! Ghosted turrets and ships will be on us as soon as we enter any quadrant in that sector and they will not stop hounding us until we are dead and-"

    "Amy," Nickie yells, "Get a grip, girl! Calm down! I know of an old Japanese station in the core orbit ring. Normally we would be torn to shreds before we could even think of reaching the fringes of the outer ring, but I happen to still have my old- Err... I happen to have... some access codes. The codes will let us get to the station so I can quietly reconfigure the systems. I should be able to reconfigure the defense systems to let authorized people come and go as we allow and a little tweaking, with some love, should be all that is needed to get core systems back online."

    Amy blinks, still a little shocked. "S-so... So we are actually... Actually going to o-old Earth?!"



    Brene walks into the room from the engine room, rubbing his hands together. "I would think that we have no choice. With people hunting us, questions without good answers, and a large unknown fleet nipping at our heels... Well, I could use some breathing room to rest and think things over right now and I think you two need some too. Nickie could set up her labs again to start tinkering like she used to, I can fix up this station we'll be staying on as it is probably falling apart, you can do what you do Amy, and the kid will have a safe place to grow up... The subspace drive is in, so we can leave as soon as you input the coordinates, Nick."


    [10]MLKWY - S:SOL/P3D - OEARTH

    Tremors tear through subspace, rippling open a momentary gateway that engulfs the Phoenix and catapults it through the depths of another realm. The ride is far from smooth as the subspace drive struggles to make the journey. Nickie, Brene, and Amy hold on for dear life as the ship wildly jumps, wiggles, and vibrates its way through the corridors of subspace.

    The subspace drive gladly directs the Phoenix back into normal space before dying completely, its complex circuitry completely fried. A quick check of the holographic starmap on the bridge informs Nickie that they have arrived just outside old Earth space. Seating herself at the manual controls, Nickie guides the ship into old Earth space with the conventional drives.

    Almost immediately upon entering old Earth space the Phoenix finds itself hounded by 'ghosted' ships, or ships controlled by artificial intelligences still attempting to defend a long abandoned planet. Nickie responds to their hailing with passcode and authorization information, hoping that it is still valid. The ships, much to everyone's relief, open a comm channel and inform Nickie that her ship is now cleared to proceed into old Earth space. After a polite request for the crew of the Phoenix to enjoy their stay the ships fall back and assume a defensive formation around the Phoenix itself.

    Ignoring Brene and Amy's inquisitive glances, Nickie guides the Phoenix through massive gates in the slowly rotating rings surrounding Earth. The rings, comprised of multiple stations connected by flexible docking umbilicals, maintain a naturally non-decaying orbit over the wastelands that once housed the first nations of humanity. Now humanity fears its former birthplace as the ancient artificial intelligences now rule, seeming to develop and expand even with a lack of guidance. Sentient intelligences are rumored, and feared, to exist here.

    As the Phoenix enters the core ring, Brene and Amy gasp at the sheer size of the stations. The core ring, thousands of kilometers thick, houses the greatest and grandest of all of the stations orbiting Earth. Slowing the Phoenix to a stop near a station bigger than any non-core station, but smaller than any core station, Nickie opens a comm channel with the docking computer and says something in japanese. The docking bay door immediately springs open to allow the Phoenix inside.

    Utilizing the comm channel with the docking computer, Amy hacks her way into the station systems before the docking bay doors can even close. Slicing through the minimal amount of security measures, Amy makes her way into the station control mainframe in a matter of hours but finds herself blocked off from the security controls. After a few hours of fruitless efforts, Amy asks Nickie what she should do. Seeing Amy into the crew quarters for some rest and busying Brene with watching the child, Nickie finds herself alone on the bridge. In a matter of minutes she has crippled and slipped past the locks set in place on the security controls. Adjusting herself in the chair she is sitting at, Nickie begins the tedious task of reprogramming not only the security system but the entire station controle mainframe.

    The twelve-month supply store in the Phoenix slowly starts to dwindle, soon becoming an eleven-month supply and then a ten-month supply. With nine months of supplies left, Nickie completes her task with a single keystroke. Suddenly, the station lurches from its slumber and the hum of oxygen scrubbers activating can be heard throughout the station.

    Within the next three months, Nickie renders her lab fully operational with help from Brene and Amy in addition to basic equipment found in the main hold of the Phoenix. Examining the thoroughly damaged subspace drive for component parts that may have survived, Nickie realizes that a new drive must be built from scratch. With six months of supplies remaining and no supplies on board the station, the race to build a working subspace drive begins.

    Working frantically, Nickie manages to piece together a complete set of blueprints for a new subspace drive in about a month. Nickie, Amy, and Brene piece together the drive from spare parts, working as precisely and as fast as they can. With four months remaining, the drive is about one-fourth complete.

    Time not seeming to be on their side, the three start to neglect sleep entirely as only two months of supplies are left and the subspace nears completion.

    With the countdown ticking away at their final month of supplies and the subspace drive only being a few days away from completion, the three start to realize how close they are to death. Not looking up from, Brene quietly asks, "You... You both do realize that this drive... That this drive may not... work...? Right...?"

    Amy and Nickie just silently continue with their work, both knowing that Brene has a point.

    [11]???
    <Writing.>
    #
    HarmlessHermit 11 years ago
    The first chapter doesn't really tell much about what the story will be like, but it's very interesting. Here's my guess:

    The story will be about a child who is gifted in some way, he gets raised etc etc. Then he realizes he comes from OUTER SPACE! He has to save the world with his super powers and space abilities.

    Or it could be something else, but I'm pretty sure about my guess.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Heh...

    The child is female... She will be 'gifted' in some way, if you can call it a gift.

    About the outer space bit, I would rather not comment...

    No world saving... I think...

    I'm gonna go with this one title that just keeps nagging at me... Like it wants me to title it... Ehh, I'll just go with the flow then...

    The title, for now, will be Catgirl.
    #
    MageKing17 11 years ago
    You spelled "glares" wrong. You forgot the "e."

    And it seems you're actually writing the story, instead of just the plot like I am. Good job! You're not a lazy bastard like me!



    Naw, I'll eventually get to the real chapters. I just gotta finish the plot for book 1 first, that's all.

    Looks promising. Just run it through spellcheck next time, eh?
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Yeah, I am bound to have some typos here and there when I copy directly from my notebook...

    I'll get to working on [2] whenever I feel creative... Yeah, sometimes I just don't feel like writing... I wrote all of that over about two to four hours... I was working on it in classes when I got bored or when I had the urge to multitask.

    I think, however, that very few of you will be able to guess where exactly this hospital is located... I hope you are pleasantly surprised when you find out, though.
    #
    Marevix 11 years ago
    "Zombie" said:
    In a way it does, as if it were not present then the people would be without jobs, medical attention and supplies, and so much more.

    Grammatical error. Here's how it should look:

    In a way it does, as if it were not present then the people would be without jobs, medical attention, supplies, and so much more.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago


    Nonono, I meant they'd have no jobs, no medical attention or medical supplies, and plenty of other things.

    I said 'medical attention and supplies' to avoid redundancy.
    #
    MageKing17 11 years ago
    "Zombie" said:


    Nonono, I meant they'd have no jobs, no medical attention or medical supplies, and plenty of other things.

    I said 'medical attention and supplies' to avoid redundancy.
    Zombie's right. That's a perfectly acceptable grammatically correct way of writing it.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Ok everyone! [2]"The Orphanage" is done! I started working on it in my Algebra-Trig class first period and finished all but the last paragraph by the end of my third period German class...

    All-in-all it took me about one-and-a-half to two hours to write up. I'll type it up as soon as I get home.

    Tomorrow is thursday and there is no school due to report card pickups... I am going to go with my dad to see how much I am going to have to bust my ass in fourth quarter to pass everything this semester. I will probably type up a partial [3] then, but I am not promising anything.

    Also, do not think that I will post more frequent updates to this in summer as I do have summerschool because my transcript is a bit screwed up due to idiocy and/or incompetence in the public school systems. However, I probably will have a lot more time to write up chapters during the hour-and-a-half classes... Especially if the teacher decides not to really make us do much.

    Anyways, the bell is about to ring. I'll write up [2] when I get home.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    [2] has been typed up! Tell me what you think so far.

    I will put up a poll after I am done with [3] so you can all tell me how good it is so far... Just remember, these are technically prologue chapters... So far the chapters have managed to stay at or under 1 sheet of paper, front and back. I write rather small, too... Also in all caps...

    Yeah, my caps-lock key broke a long time ago and I didn't come with any shift keys.
    #
    MageKing17 11 years ago
    "Zombie" said:
    these are technically prolouge chapters
    Prologue. G before U there, Zombie.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Hey! I had just finished typing up [2]! Cut me some slack you mobile spellchecker, you!

    Don't make me hurt you...
    #
    MageKing17 11 years ago
    "Zombie" said:
    Hey! I had just finished typing up [2]! Cut me some slack you mobile spellchecker, you!

    Don't make me hurt you...
    Somebody's got to do it...
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Got to do what? Hurt you? Well... If you insist... Don't mind if I do!

    Heh... Anyways... How about some opinions on my damn story, people... Or shall I just assume that it is either so excellent or so horrible that it has rendered your neurons unusable?
    #
    HarmlessHermit 11 years ago
    I see the story exudes all the charm and wit of a Zombie tale while still being a serious story (so far). You're right Zombie, despite a few things, the awesomeness of your story fried my neurons for a split second there. Hope the damage wasn't permanent...

    But there's one thing that I've just noticed about the narration of the story. It seems to be told from present tense meaning you say things like: He runs.
    Instead of: He ran.

    So far it's come out okay because you say past tense at the beginning to state what has happened, then you say what is happening so nothing bad right now. Just keep it from being scrambled up.

    The dialogue all seems to follow the same pattern again and again, especially in the first chapter.


    Brene sighs as Nickie emerges from the infant ward, "Come on, Nick. I'll drive you home so you can get some rest."

    Nickie starts to nod but suddenly gasps as her tired mind finally reaches a realization. Brene whirls around to face Nickie, "What? What is the matter?!"

    These are just two paragraphs but the rest there are about the same. It's always (action-dialogue) so maybe you could mix it up a little bit. (e.g. dialogue-action, dialogue-action-dialogue, action-dialogue etc.)
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    So far all you are going to get right now is action-dialouge until the little kid gets into... Well... I'm not going to say...

    Yes, I am going to torture you while your dreams are haunted by the myriad of possibilities here! Bwahahahaha! I will now proceed to compound the torture by... GIGGLING AT YOU!



    OH! Six Flags commercial! The one with the old guy dancing! I love that one... Oh crap, mood swing. Sorry! Week isn't over yet...

    *grumbles about stuff*
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    [4] is done! [3] is done!

    [3] is up! Poll is up!

    Poll is running for 3 days! If you want to be helpful you can always add constructive critisizm, ideas, or suggestions here... Or whatever!

    Free discussion about my story is allowed in this topic, people... I'm updating the first post, if you have not figured that out already, so do not worry about it.
    #
    Idiota 11 years ago
    Time to critisize:

    First off, I think you're doing a good job making a personality in the early stages of the story. I found myself still polishing and removing from my characters in my own story, even in chapter 11 (story on hold, dont know if I will continue it, I'll probably use experience gained from writing it in a new story ).

    Second, I think you write perfectly. I have yet to see a grammar or spelling error.

    Last, get to the point already, you're making me curious

    [edit]I made this post because I know how hard it is to make people actually comment on your story. I shall continue making "reviews" of your chapters from here on, just because I know it makes you feel better and more importantly, I like it [/edit]
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Wheee! Time to pick through a post!

    "Idiota" said:
    Time to critisize:

    Yay! Time, you know, is an illusion... Lunchtime doubly so.

    "Idiota" said:
    First off, I think you're doing a good job making a personality in the early stages of the story. I found myself still polishing and removing from my characters in my own story, even in chapter 11 (story on hold, dont know if I will continue it, I'll probably use experience gained from writing it in a new story ).

    Heh... The weird thing is that I do not really try... The only conscious efforts I have to make are to keep the story in the same tense and to eliminate contractions. Contractions are evil! Without them, the english language would be so much easier to get the hang of... And this from me, a native english speaker!

    I do, however, like my characters to have personality... However, I do not know where the little buggers get these personalities from! I just start writing and before I know it, Nickie seems to be a lesbian... I mean, when did that happen?! It does not really matter to me very much that she is, mind you, I am just getting a little weirded out here that my characters seem to be a bit... Alive?

    "Idiota" said:
    Second, I think you write perfectly. I have yet to see a grammar or spelling error.

    Heh. I think my writing is horrid. People always yell at me for being so modest, but I can not help it... I posted this story on good faith that I would get some feedback on how to improve my writing, as I sometimes suffer under the delusion that I have trace amounts of talent. I never really expected everyone to like it so much, or to be complemented on my spelling and grammar!

    Just be glad you are not reading my handwriting... I think I was born with caps lock on. Everything I write is all capitalized. Also, sometimes my handwriting can be barely legible due to me writing tinier than usual or due to my words smooshing together.

    But seriously, is my grammar and spelling that good? I mean, I am 15... A teenager... Am I not supposed to have absolutely horrid grammar and spelling habits? Wel I supose u r glad thet I dn't tiyep liek dis!

    "Idiota" said:
    Last, get to the point already, you're making me curious

    Point? I have a poi-Ohhh! Yeah... Sure... Point... Uhhhmmm... About that... You see, the thing is... Oop! Look at the time! Gotta go! Bye!

    "Idiota" said:
    [edit]I made this post because I know how hard it is to make people actually comment on your story. I shall continue making "reviews" of your chapters from here on, just because I know it makes you feel better and more importantly, I like it [/edit]

    Yeah... It is like people avoid my story like the plauge... I wonder if anyone but you actually reads my story. Heh heh heh...

    By the way, if I was hazy at all about this then I will clarify matters: [4] is done.

    Yeah, I just am going to hold off on putting [4] up for a little while... I have a therapist appointment this saturday and depending on how things go there I may have to buy a bottle of super glue to piece my life back together with...

    Of course: I am pessimistic, neurotic, depressed, possibly bipolar, and I have odd antisocial tendancies...

    Yeah, so I may just be vastly overreacting. I hope to the Lords of Ramen that I am.

    Oh... Heh... Yeah... Lords of Ramen... You see, I kinda love ramen. I kinda love it a lot... A very very lot... Ramen is good... Whenever I plead to the Lords of Ramen for assistance then you know I am in a bind...

    Speaking of ramen, I am going to go get some. Time to end this post and stop rambling!
    #
    HarmlessHermit 11 years ago
    Do you have a problem with "-gue" words? Tounge, prolouge, dialouge. Sorry to point this out after Idiota just commented on your perfect spelling, but... yeah.

    Another thing: Nickie does seem like a lesbian right now. I mean, not interested in men, asking right away if Amy wants to change? That's starting to sound less and less heterosexual by the moment. But, I digress...
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    "HarmlessHermit" said:
    Another thing: Nickie does seem like a lesbian right now. I mean, not interested in men, asking right away if Amy wants to change? That's starting to sound less and less heterosexual by the moment. But, I digress...

    Uhmmm... If you paid attention to Nickie's character, you should notice that she operates more on comfort. Amy is wearing a full black-on-black suit... Think FBI, CIA, or even "Men In Black" style... Also, the comment on Amy's clothing leaving gender rather ambiguous points towards the outfit being more uncomfortable for women than for men due to women generally having larger breasts than men.

    Jeez... It is not like Nickie wanted to help Amy change or even be present in the bathroom while she was changing. Can she just be nice?

    Anyways, if you have not noticed by now... The social structure of the civilization Nickie, Brene, and Amy live in is vastly different from the social structure now. People are actually encouraged to be different, conformists are a minority, and discrimination is only in history textbooks. You'll see this fully manifests itself later...

    Also, would anyone care to guess what "the company" is, exactly? Or perhaps what they might be planning?
    #
    MageKing17 11 years ago
    "Zombie" said:
    Time, you know, is an illusion... Lunchtime doubly so.
    I'm rereading the Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide: Complete and Unabridged. Very funny. But it makes me sad. You know why? Because I got suspended right before I was going to see that movie. Now I have to wait to be un-grounded before I can see it. #@&$!!!!

    *Ahem*

    I like your story, Zombie. In case I haven't already mentioned that.

    I'm just curious as to what the setting will actually end up being. Near-future? Ridiculously-far-future? Present-day-but-top-secret-facility-with-access-to-cool-stuff? Give me a year range, here! And no, you can't say 5 billion BC - 5 billion AD, because that's cheating.
    Like, a hundred year range. Just a hundred.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    2X

    [NOTE]
    From now on, all of my double, triple, quadruple, etc. posts will be done like this. I will delete my last post after copying the contents. I will then affix an [ADDON] tag, closed by an [/ADDON] tag, to let you know when I do this.

    Also, notice the 2X I put above this note? I will add that to evey post I do this to, the number increasing as the post-string increases.
    [/NOTE]

    Year? Well, I have absolutely no idea, really... Notice how vauge I have been on the surroundings so far? Yeah, I did that on purpose... You'll see why soon...

    Technology, as of the current time in the story, is highly advanced... I would very much like to give you a year range but I think it might ruin [5] for you... Wink

    In [4] you will all see the start of the not-so-prequel... Razz You will get to see more of Brene and a bit about his new assignment... In chapter [5], which I have started on by the way, things will start to accelerate and the company might just be making an appearance... Also, you will get to see exactly where the hospital is and a bit more of the age in which Nickie lives in...

    But, I think I had better shut up about it for now and stop teasing you... Wink

    [EDIT]
    And the polls are closed for [1] to [3]! The scores were as follows:

    0 people gave my story a 5/5.
    3 people gave my story a 4/5.
    0 people gave my story a 3/5.
    0 people gave my story a 2/5.
    0 people gave my story a 1/5.

    Idiota? When you get back would you happen to have any way to make the poll go bye-bye?
    [/EDIT]

    [ADDON]
    I have officially finished [5] and [6]!

    However, I am not really in the mood for typing up [4] yet... And plus, the poll is still up! I am not putting up [4], [5], and [6] until I can put up another poll after [6].

    Just a question, but making a poll never end... Would that let me scrap it and restart it as I need? I mean, it would really be useful.
    [/ADDON]
    #
    Grim Reaper 11 years ago
    Deleting a poll is possible (as long as you're the one who created the topic ).
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    You would think so, huh? Well, apparently, you can not delete or edit a poll after it has closed.

    Next time I'll just make an unlimited one and keep editing that.
    #
    Grim Reaper 11 years ago
    You can't just put a checkmark on the checkbox reading "Delete poll"? Odd...
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Strange thing is that when the poll time expired, the entire section of the 'edit post' window that let you fiddle about with your poll simply disappears.

    I have also recently dug through the forums to find one of the polls I had a while back, one with an 'infinite' poll timer... You can not edit that either.

    I think that if Idiota could just delete the current poll, then it would let me set another one up...

    Hmm... I am going to go PM Ville and ask him about this...
    #
    void 11 years ago
    I finally got around to reading your story Zombie. So now I'm going to tell you what I think and then demand you make certain changes or I'll begin an anti-catgirl website (with a petition and everything!).

    First I have to say that I wish I had your understanding of the english language because..... well I suck at it (at least compared to you).

    Secondly I thought your story was very professional although I don't feel compelled to check back and read the updates. I just think that the story needs to be more interesting . Probably a stupid comment because there is still alot more to be done but from what I've read it just didn't do it for me.

    Now for the changes I'm yet to demand. The following is a carefully compiled list that has been approved by the AACQ.

    1: i r teh l33t!!!!!!11111

    2: Does it have to be a story? Maybe we can turn it into some kind of movie... people like movies.

    3: Does it have to be called catgirl? We need a flashy title that connects with the youth of today, something like 'Blood: the evil' or 'i r teh l33t!!!111'

    4: Finally maybe you could change the main characters name from 'Nickie' to 'Alan Smithee'.

    Other then that it's great, I especially love the lesbian main character Alan Smithee.
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Yay! Time to pick another post apart!

    "void" said:
    I finally got around to reading your story Zombie. So now I'm going to tell you what I think and then demand you make certain changes or I'll begin an anti-catgirl website (with a petition and everything!).

    Hah. I would love to see you try. I would laugh at you and your pitiful attempts at trying to take my first amendment rights.

    If you persisted I would simply create an anti-anti-catgirl website. You know... With lawyers and everything! ;P

    "void" said:
    First I have to say that I wish I had your understanding of the english language because..... well I suck at it (at least compared to you).

    Why does everyone tell me I am so good with the english language?! Seriously, I think I am horrid at just about everything and if I am not horrid then I am either worse or just barely acceptable. Either I am modest or I am telling the truth!

    "void" said:
    Secondly I thought your story was very professional although I don't feel compelled to check back and read the updates. I just think that the story needs to be more interesting . Probably a stupid comment because there is still alot more to be done but from what I've read it just didn't do it for me.

    Well, I wanted to establish the base of the story itself first. The first few chapters are technically a prologue...

    Anyways, you will all start to see action unfolding around [6] and [7] will explain one heck of a lot, I think...

    If I can, I want [8] to be one of those chapters that people read over and over simply because they love it so much... I want it to make scenes come alive in your head. However, I doubt I will be able to do that because I lack the skill... I will probably try and end up botching it...

    But hey, it is what I have been trying to do with all of the chapters thus far and I have not gotten many complaints!

    "void" said:
    Now for the changes I'm yet to demand. The following is a carefully compiled list that has been approved by the AACQ.

    1: i r teh l33t!!!!!!11111

    2: Does it have to be a story? Maybe we can turn it into some kind of movie... people like movies.

    3: Does it have to be called catgirl? We need a flashy title that connects with the youth of today, something like 'Blood: the evil' or 'i r teh l33t!!!111'

    4: Finally maybe you could change the main characters name from 'Nickie' to 'Alan Smithee'.

    1: OMFGWTFBBQ!!!1!1!111!11one!!1111!!1!11

    2: If I can get my drawing skills up to at least being sub-par, then I would be more than happy to make a flash movie.

    3: Yes, it is called [Catgirl]. Not only does this title invoke curiosity a-la, "WTF is this crap about?" but it also meshes very well with the main character who will probably be showing up around [10] or so in some form other than an incoherent infant.

    4: Nickie is the current main character, but she is not the main main character... Also, no. Why does it matter what her name is? I quite like the name Nickie Enso. What is so special about Alan Smithee?

    "void" said:
    Other then that it's great, I especially love the lesbian main character Alan Smithee.

    O...k... The current main character's name is Nickie Enso, Void... Not Alan Smithee. However, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet so I am glad you like her.
    #
    void 11 years ago
    I don't think you understand Zombie, these weren't suggestions, they were demands. It's me telling you how it's going to be. If you refuse I'm afraid you'll be taking a long walk of a short pier with cement blocks on your feet.

    Gah... threats of physical violence... I disgust myself .

    Anywho keep up the steady flow of chapters and I'll make sure to let you know what I think, also do hesitate to ask us some specific questions about what we think about certain parts of the story and all that jazz.

    To my eternal shame I made up the AACQ. T_T
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    I really just like pulling posts apart...

    "void" said:
    I don't think you understand Zombie, these weren't suggestions, they were demands. It's me telling you how it's going to be. If you refuse I'm afraid you'll be taking a long walk of a short pier with cement blocks on your feet.

    Hey, who is the one writing this here? You off me and you are out of a storywriter... Your curiosity would never be sated... Your thirst for an ending never quenched...

    So I think it is really I who is in control here, Void. Henchmen, remove Mr. Void from my office post-haste.

    "void" said:
    Gah... threats of physical violence... I disgust myself .

    Aww! You disgust us too, Void!

    "void" said:
    Anywho keep up the steady flow of chapters and I'll make sure to let you know what I think, also do hesitate to ask us some specific questions about what we think about certain parts of the story and all that jazz.

    [1] through [3], as you all undoubtedly know, are definitely done unless I need to majorly revise them...

    [4] through [6] is already done... Each is, however, still on the paper I wrote them on... I hope Idiota can take that poll off so I can concentrate on getting to [10] and setting up another "How am I doing" poll...

    "void" said:
    To my eternal shame I made up the AACQ. T_T

    Hey... Hey! You are a phony! Hey everybody, this guy is a phony! A big fat phony!

    Alright, enough of that Family Guy stuff...

    [EDIT]
    By the way... I made a small update to the first post.

    I just added [4], [5], [6], [7], and [8] with their appropriate titles and whatnot... Nothing too major.
    [/EDIT]
    #
    Idiota 11 years ago
    Ideleted the poll, now go and post up the new chapters!!! xD
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    Thanks for deletin' the poll for me, Idiota! By the way, I am nearly done with [7]. As of the time I am writing this, I am around a paragraph away from being able to call it finished.

    Anyways... Is my story really that good that you all want me to put up new chapters this bad? As usual, do not be afraid to be brutally honest...
    #
    Idiota 11 years ago
    I read every story on the forums to entertain me and to pump up my English. It is said that you can only truly master a language that is around you, eritten or spoken. This is why I suck at speaking English and am on what I think a good level of writing English. It entertains me, because I think the Dutch language lacks the beauty of the English language. I think English (this is true) unless of course I have to handle the Dutch language or some other strange reason. The English voice in my head is not the voice I hear when I speak. It is how I would like to speak.

    I just love stories, that's all, for the ones who want to skip a rant
    #
    Zombie 11 years ago
    5X

    Heh... To be honest with you all, I do not think I am too good at writing, spelling, or grammar. I am not really good at much of anything I guess... Oh, except for annoying people with my incessant modesty.

    [ADDON]
    I have finished [7] and I have started on [8]. I am about 1 paragraph in to [8] though, so... yeah...

    Anywho... I have no idea when I may type up [4] and the rest... You can all blame Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines for that. I am hooked to that wonderous game, just like I am hooked to Half Life 2...

    Please forgive the impending off-topicness, but I must speak of the awesomeness that is Bloodlines.

    One of the major things about Bloodlines that I like is the dialogue... It is natural. There is no screwing around with the english language just to remove a swear from something a character is saying, there is no bleeping, and there is none of that leave-it-in-the-voicing-but-censor-or-remove-it-from-the-subtitles crap that some games do to try to make it 'acceptable.'

    The voice acting is superb. Characters stutter, laugh, cry, mope, etc., etc., etc. and it shows in the voice acting. There is one NPC I met that has a 'speech impediment' so he stutters all of his words, which makes him sound constantly nervous or frightened... Which he may be! If a character is pissed, you can tell it in their voice. In the beginning of the game, when you go through "vampire orientation," as I like to call it, the guy that is teaching you the basics of being a vampire jokes around sometimes or will act serious or whatnot... It is all awesomely reflected in the voicing. In one part of vampire orientation you hear someone and he starts to crouch like he's going to pounce if someone comes out and he hisses. Awesome.

    Character movement is rather natural too... When crouching, your character slinks through the shadows like you would expect a vampire to slink. When you go to feed, your character leaps on your target and goes for the neck. Your character jumps like you would expect a vampire to jump. Jumping is also something I have noticed is rather good... Your character does not do one of those sissy two-to-five-inches-off-of-the-ground jumps that you see in so many RPGs and that I hate with a passion due to how un-natural that seems. I may be bad at judging distances, but I think that I can jump at least ten inches to a foot off of the ground. I understand Half Life 2's short jump... I mean, Gordon is wearing a rather heavy armored suit. It would be quite abnormal if he could pull off a high jump height.

    Anyways... I am addicted to Bloodlines. It rules with its cutting sarcasm and crazy humor... Vampire society likes to poke fun at the cliches of how you can kill or repel vampires, and sometimes you can hear a group of humans talking and joking about vampires existing... Like, "Ooo! Maybe it's vampires! Scaaaary! What next? Are Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman gonna be living next door with their pet gargoyle?" Very sarcastic there. There are also little bits and pieces of humor scattered around... If we would refer to them as 'easter eggs' like they usually are, then I think Bloodlines mugged the easter bunny.

    So, yeah. The game rocks. If you can, get it ASAP. Also, I would recommend using the CDs to install it ONLY. After you install it, put the CDs back in the case and repackage the box... Then proceed to the nearest closet and build a shrine to it. Or you could just put the CDs in a safe place, but where is the fun in that? Use a no-cd patch to play this game and keep your original CDs very safe in case you need to reinstall... They are precious... My preciousssss...

    Also, note that no-cds are rather legal as long as you have purchased the game itself. I am in no way telling you to go do anything illicit here... Put your pants back on, please.

    Alright. Time to end this long, ranting display of love for Bloodlines... I need to get back to fantasizing about it.
    [/ADDON]

    [ADDON]
    Apologies for the lack of typing the written creative ramblings that I have scribed on so many portions of a dead cut of timber...

    I fear, however, that I have been playing Bloodlines a tad too much... My minds- Err... Our mind- Err... My... mind... Yes, my mind... I feel that it has been developing a Malkavian type of dementia...

    It would please us if you did not slam the door too loudly. Thank you.
    [/ADDON]

    [ADDON]
    Scribings grow as my arm does not tire. Behind by five, I grow wary of typing my creative musings.

    [1] through [3] are done but not typed and [4] through [8] are not typed but are done. Would you like me to cast off my shawl of lethargy and type the missing pieces?
    [/ADDON]

    [ADDON]
    Now you can all stop sending me threats depicting my violent death, as I have finished typing up [4]!

    I would like to note, however, that [1] through [10] now are all going to be considered as the prologue. If things go as I plan, [11] and onwards are going to be significantly longer than 1 sheet of college rule paper, front and back.

    Who knows, though... Depending on how things go with writing longer chapters, I may just opt to go back to my short chapter style...

    Anyways, let me know what you think...

    [EDIT]
    Oh, and to make things easier to read for you all... My most recent addon will be in red. Let me know if, however, I need to change the color... It doesn't help too much if it is too hard to read...
    [/EDIT]

    [EDIT]
    Heh... Color changed from red to dark red. It is a much more mellow color. Yeah, the red hurt my eyes.
    [/EDIT]
    [/ADDON]
    #
    Forum » [Catgirl] *PROCESSING CHAPTER ELEVEN*
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